Ignatius Crumwald
Sanmatar Kelkoons Minmatar Republic
475
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Posted - 2012.08.31 22:52:00 -
[1] - Quote
Sees-Too-Much wrote:This is a post of a fight in EVE-Online. Quote:Cross Posted from the Ivy League forums: Quote:Agony got in on its first Titan kill last night. Apparently CO2 thought it funny to drop two of these things outside the station of our good neighbors Important Internet Spaceship League [BDEAL]. Have you seen the Scrubs episode where JD fantasizes about having an opera singer shout "MISTAKE" whenever he screws up? This was such a moment for CO2. Provi Fight Club, being the bloodthirsty crazies we are, capitalized on it (pardon the pun). I'll leave you with the words of Stiletto Jackboot of BDEAL from their official post at eveonline forums: Quote:Hey, does EVE come with a time out?
When they put up the cyno, I guess they thought we'd run. 2 phallic Co2 titans popped up (lol) in the midst of the relatively small gang of battleships that had been assembled to counter our roaming gang. A buttplug and a flying chin, hanging in space above the station undock. Raging like a sex-starved nympho, GavinGoodrich pounding hamfisted in all caps "TITAN BUBBLED OUTSIDE STATION" exploded into every channel. Within 2 short minutes of his request a dozen bubbles shimmered around the massive space ****s. Texts were sent out on our SRS business SMS spammer. Capsuleers flowed into local like blood into our no longer flacid members.
Co2 started to feel a bit of performance anxiety as our dictors circled their balls in tightening arcs, and our turrets pounded into them again and again. A few desperate pilots in a prophecy and a drake warped onto the field and lit a cyno. In the seconds before their ships went up in flames, 4 triage carriers flicker onto our overviews, and one by one they are destroyed in a matter of minutes.
By now, our ecstatic screaming had attracted some attention. Daisho and Dara Cothrom had showed up to join the orgy, with some other random neutrals and a stray hydra or two. Friendly fire claimed a couple of our support ships but quickly settled down as everyone focused their attention on Jowan.
With terror in his eyes as we penetrated his shields, he could no longer stand to watch us watching him being violated. Desperate to finish before it was too late, with 15 minutes on the clock we lit our cyno beacons and redoubled our thrusting, hammering through his armor and scrambling to get as many swinging dreads bashing into him as we could.
Blow for blow with time running out and each second drawing us closer to release, and Jowan to his doom, we were never sure if we would end it in time. 2 minutes were left on the clock and a quarter of his structure when AAA got on their megaphone in local and shined their flashlight in our eyes, like the space police harassing two passionate lovers entwined on a dingy, soiled mattress in the back of an El Camino.
PULL OUT PULL OUT, AAA screamed, but it was too late. We shot the last of our load all over the steaming wreck of Jowans Avatar, dizzy with glee and shouting victorious cries of pleasure. The dripping juices and gaping bullet holes spelled out a message:
This battlereport brought to you by Important Internet Spaceship League. For those unfamiliar with EVE, an alliance dropped not one but two of the game's largest class of ship, the Titan, into a small group of battleships. The assailed alliance responded with glee, and every ship that could be found (as well as several randoms hoping to get in on the kill) swarmed in to take part in killing the titans. The aggressors attempted to bring in carriers to repair, but they didn't last. Because that's what capsuleers do when they see something big and strong. They say "that must be expensive" and everyone swarms around to kill it. Compare that to DUST players. What do you do when something bigger and stronger than you shows up? You curl up in a ball and die.
SHADDAP!
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